


I Wanna Feel Like This Forever (Even If Forever's Just For Now)

by snowygallifrey



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Birthday Fluff, Domestic, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Light Angst, M/M, Post-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Pre-The Falcon and the Winter Soldier (TV), almost none
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-13 22:46:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,269
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29658459
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowygallifrey/pseuds/snowygallifrey
Summary: It was weirdly calm, falling in love with Sam Wilson.Sam stared at him, raised eyebrows and all, “Tell me what you wished for, honey, I’m dying to know.”.“I wished…”, Bucky started, not even knowing why he was saying those things in the first place, “We could stay like this forever.”.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Sam Wilson
Comments: 17
Kudos: 133





	I Wanna Feel Like This Forever (Even If Forever's Just For Now)

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in a really boring class and it's mostly to see if I can still write something good lol. This is Bucky-centric but I'm writing a Sam-centric one that's going to be more elaborated :) Hope you guys enjoy it!! Comment what you think of it please, English is not my first language.

It was weirdly calm, falling in love with Sam Wilson.

Bucky wasn’t familiar with that feeling - being calm, at peace, or falling in love with such intensity and yet it didn’t hurt. Almost as if they were made for this, two planets orbiting around each other, belonging to one another, stuck in this dance of love and quiet.

After everything - after the snap, after Steve left, after the realization he would have to adjust himself into a new world one more time, it was loud. And Bucky hated it, the screams, the endless hugs (not _from_ him, not _with_ him, but it was loud all the same)... everybody trying and crying for a chance to understand the world where 50% of its people were dead for 5 years. 

But Sam made it quiet.

Sam had a bright smile, pure, in a way Bucky found comfort quicker than he wanted to deep down, but it happened - every time, with no fail, Wilson smiled in his direction and he fell a little deeper into the love hole, painlessly. It happened a lot of times during the never ending briefings after they came back, Sam smiling at Bucky and making jokes like they were long time friends, the banters, the cursing, stuff Barnes didn’t even know he missed from his time in the Howling Commandos. 

"What's next?”, Sam had asked him after their last briefing with SHIELD (or what was being rebuilt from it), one week or so from the date they returned. So far, they’d be sleeping on SHIELD’s arrangements, now? Buck didn’t know. Wakanda was out of question, maybe disappearing like he was the Winter Soldier all over again, country after country until God said it was enough. 

“I don’t know.”, he answered simply. The sun was setting, the sky exploding with different shades of red and orange. He could hear the birds and the people talking on a bench nearby, the silent yet loudly joy emanating from each of them, to be finally back from their first death, “Guess I’ll have to find somewhere to go.”.

“Not Wakanda?”.

Bucky felt the sudden urge to laugh. It didn’t feel right, coming back to Wakanda after everything, there was no reason for it too, but he tried to wonder if there was ever any reason for the things he did. Not one at all, not so far.

“I’m not hiding’ anymore.”, he explained, catching Sam’s thoughtful brow, “Maybe a place in Brooklyn, find a small apartment.”.

They stayed in silence for a long time, more comfortable than it should be. This was the first time Bucky really felt like he was back - not from the blip, but from the war, from the time he fell off a train and life, happiness, all those good things died with James Buchanan Barnes. Sam had that effect on him, a way of connecting 2023’s Bucky Barnes with the 40’s version he didn’t even know he still had. 

Sam looked back at him, like they did in the cabin when Steve showed up, old and long lived, far from the universe they were currently living in - not their Steve Rogers, someone else, with different life choices and purposes. But it didn’t carry sorrow or anything like it, just plain old happiness and wondering of what the next step would be, “I talked to Sharon and Fury, they said I can take the shield with me, learn to be Captain America.”.

Bucky wanted to answer how there was no learning to be Captain America, you are either born with or without it, but the conversation wasn’t just a share of information, Sam was trying to tell him something, ask him actually. Barnes didn’t answer, or rather well, didn’t say anything, but for reasons he himself didn’t know, peace reigned inside of his body.

“I won’t ask you for something you don’t want to do.”.

It was calm and it was familiar, it felt like being young again, only the sky was brighter and by his side, Sam Wilson with his comforting embrace, pulling him in, stealing him, completing him. 

The words left his mouth like they were stitched to the tip of his tongue, “Where to, Cap?”.

That’s how they ended up in a small cabin in the woods, next to Sam’s family. Wilson said SHIELD found the place, but Bucky didn’t quite trust that - it was quick and not more than 24 hours since they first had the conversation. He didn’t own much, especially after the blip - a few shares of clothes Sharon and Maria provided him, journals he kept hidden in such hard spots no one found in the 5 years they were gone. Sam had a lot, so Bucky ended up just helping him with the boxes, not once complaining. 

Living with Sam made it even easier, falling in love. Seeing him every day, with a playful smile dancing on his lips, jokes being thrown at Bucky a few countless times a day - the costume ‘cyborg’ ones, popsicle, old man, metal dude, a few others Bucky didn’t understand. He often tried to make himself look mad, but he actually liked it, the teasing, the playing, the not being treated like a machine that could freak out at any given moment, and if there was one thing he liked even more about living with Sam, was the comfort of walking around all day without the metal arm, not feeling like he could be thrown in a fight in the middle of the day.

They created a small routine out of old habits and new ones being made every day spent together. Bucky woke up first since he didn’t sleep a lot nowadays, or since he was forced to take the serum, so he made coffee for the both of them, and Sam woke up a few hours later, a new joke at the tip of his tongue while drinking. Every day, no fail, he complimented the coffee between the teasing, almost in a way of hiding it, but Bucky still heard him and it still made his insides tremble. Sam went jogging, while Bucky stayed at home because, quoting him, “ _ there was no reason to run if he was not being chased on chasing someone _ ”. When he got back, they trained, Sam with the shield and, well, Bucky was there to help him with it - they threw it around, straight faces but deep down laughing at the irony of all that, learning to fight with it, guns or just hand-in-hand combat. Learning to live in this world that didn’t adjust to them. 

“Just don’t throw it in my face.”, Bucky screamed at him. They were outside, trees surrounding them and the whole world seemed to stop and watch their every move. Sam smiled, and the calm sensation on Bucky’s heart exploded. 

“I won’t make promises.”.

They weren’t familiar with the shield, or yet, used to it being in their hands, not in Steves. But Sam was good at it, probably even better than Steve could ever be, if the training was correct. Bucky got himself ready, waiting for Sam to throw the shield and catch once again. It was just warm ups, a weird game of catch with a vibranium shield made in the 40’s, Wilson learning to easily throw it around and Barnes… he said it was an attempt to learn fighting without the metal arm, but it was also an excuse to just be there with Sam.

“You always catch it man, lemme win for once.”, Sam complained like every time, Bucky showing the shiny shield in his hands like a prize.

“70 years of training, Wilson, you’ll never top that.”.

“You’ll see what I can top.”.

Bucky choked on his own saliva, not expecting that come back. Sam had that smile on his face, the one he used when they were playing around. Because he wasn’t flirting with Bucky, no, just one more regular joke for their day to be right. He held the urge to answer with something that could be used against him somewhat in the future. 

“Just throw the shield, Wilson.”, he said instead.

After that day, it came more regularly - the flirting, the teasing, and Bucky hated how used to it he was getting, how domestic everything felt. Just the two of them, a cabin in the woods, a deadly shield and a quiet, heart crashing love they were culminating. Sam called him sweetheart and asked if his cyborg brain was working, he called him doll and made fun of the one side sleeveless shirts Buck owned. It was domestic and Bucky wished it hurt, wished it made his heart ache but it was calm and he was at peace. 

They weren’t called on missions often at the beginning, Sharon said SHIELD was trying to avoid any complications with the heroes who were blipped.  _ Heroes _ , that word made it hurt - he wasn’t a hero, he was just some guy who got trapped in the middle of the fire before those people were even born. But Sam laughed, and made him watch dumb super hero movies all night. 

Bucky could feel the word made Sam uncomfortable too, like a burden, like a jar they had to fill but yet was never complete, no matter what they did, not by them, never by them. So they joked, and they laughed, and the trees around the house seemed to smile along in their little dance of stars. 

Sam’s sister Sarah visited a few times, a kind smile on her face, and if Bucky didn’t know any better he would say she didn’t know about him, about the Winter Soldier, about the steering wheel he ripped out of Sam’s car. But Sarah knew, and yet she asked if he wanted apple pie. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t want to interrupt, I’ll just be in my room. It was very nice meeting you, ma’am.”, Bucky smiled awkwardly, not wanting to disturb the family meeting. He knew how much they meant to Sam - the man never shut up about them, especially after the blip, after the whole dying and coming back 5 years later thing, which honestly Bucky was used to because of the ice, but never made it easier. Bucky wanted to have someone to care for like this, family, but all he had was Sam. Maybe that was enough, yeah. That was enough.

“C’mon Buck, you can’t refuse apple pie.”, Sam said, the tone embracing all of Bucky’s awkward stares.

“I don’t want to disturb-”.

Sam interrupted him, “Apple pie, Buck, go to the kitchen.”.

Behind him, his sister smiled, “Family reunion, yey!”.

That word didn’t hurt, family. It should hurt, how he missed them, how he missed being in the 40’s, having a mother, a sister, someone to look after. But it didn’t hurt, it felt like coming home. It wasn’t much of a replacement but an addition. And God, Bucky needed all the happy additions he could get. 

The next time Bucky saw her, it was his birthday.

Of course, no one knew. Hell, Bucky shouldn’t remember, he was 107 years old today and his brain had been messed with so many times it was impossible to even count. But he looked at the date and it was filled with memories and pain. Pain because that was the first time since the 30’s that he was aware of his birthday, that he had a home, something, someone. 

When he woke up, the sun was shining like a regular day, because after all there was nothing different about it except for the fact more than a 100 years ago, he was born, and at the same time just a few decades back, the Winter Soldier killed someone, the Winter Soldier was put back on ice, the Winter Soldier was tortured and he was tortured and he was tortured. 

But not today, today he was at home and he made coffee and waited for Sam to wake up. And Sam wouldn’t know what’s different, because everything was just the same - take or give one year wouldn’t change a thing in Bucky’s life after all. 

He watched the birds outside, the trees and the sun shining on every object there was, a white cat playing with a leaf on the grass. He drank the rest of his own coffee, a ghost of a smile brushing through his lips. 

“Someone’s in a good mood today.”, Sam groaned as usual, taking his own cup of coffee and looking out the window, as if searching for what Bucky was smiling at. There was nothing except trees and the white stray cat that came here trying to get fed, “Did you put rat poison in my coffee or something?”.

“Yes.”, he answered simply. He wasn’t going to mention the birthday thing, he didn’t want it to be a big deal. If he told him that, Sam would congratulate him, and would bake a cake because he’s traditional like that, and they would laugh, and Bucky would share stories from when he was a kid, and now he couldn’t really see what was wrong with all that, “It’s my birthday today.”.

Sam turned to face him in shock, clearly not expecting that. He smiled, the kind one that made Bucky feel like the rest of the world disappeared and they were the only ones here, and it was peaceful. 

“Oh man, happy birthday!”, he was sincere, in that caring tone, rushing towards him one more time, “Can I hug you?”.

Bucky pulled him into the hug first. And it was comfortable, like going back into someone, something you know. Sam smelled like the rain and honey shampoo, like the first day Bucky watched the snow fall as himself, 70 years after his own fall. It was quiet and peaceful and Bucky could stay like this forever. 

Sam pulled out first, but they stayed like that, orbiting in each others personal space, connected to one another as if they belonged there, and maybe they did, hell, Bucky wished they did, “Dude, you’re getting super old. Still baby faced and all, sweetheart.”.

“Oh, shut up.”, _but not really,_ Bucky wanted to add _, don’t shut up because that’s what drives me, that’s what makes it good and comforting and domestic_. 

“Wait, how many years? I have to buy the candles for the cake.”.

Bucky didn’t trouble himself asking what cake or say he didn’t want it, Sam would bake it anyways, he did it for everyone, he did it for Sharon’s birthday, even for the stupid kid in the red/blue costume that called himself a spider. That’s who Sam Wilson is.

“I’m…”, Bucky stopped for a second. He wanted to answer 30, since he was around 25 when HYDRA captured him, and every year after that was just… a machine. But he shrugged, and Sam laughed like he was reading his thoughts, “‘107”.

Sam’s eyes were shining and Bucky never wanted to smile more.

“Ok, old man. I’ll ask my sister to buy them on her way from work. You should’ve told me sooner, doll.”.

And Bucky laughed, he swore to God he laughed out loud. And Sam laughed, and the birds outside stopped singing to listen to the perfect sound coming from inside the house. Happiness. Happiness above the sorrow, and the pain, and everything that hurt before.

Sam baked the cake and Bucky helped - well, tried to, he kept messing Sam’s plans so by the end he was just sitting at the table telling stories about the time he celebrated his birthday with an apple he didn’t even eat, so many years ago it felt like a rotten dream, but it didn’t hurt, never, never hurt.

Sam talked about his childhood, and not too late, Sarah arrived with the candles, wishing Bucky a happy birthday and apologizing for not being able to spend the day. Like she had to, like they were family, like it was a big celebration - like people needed to be happy about the fact he was alive. And he smiled, more than he could ever imagine.

They sang happy birthday with broken voices and in between long laughs, as if they were teenagers, as if they were their own small family. Sam recorded it and said: _that’s how you keep memories nowadays grandpa_. And they laughed and they laughed and they laughed. And Bucky watched the three candles burning and it didn’t hurt because now it didn’t matter. It didn’t matter if he was 30, if he was 107 years old, all that mattered was the now.

And God, now he was happy.

“Did you make a wish, princess?”, Sam asked. The candles were now burned out, Bucky smiled, Sam smiled, like they were completing each other. And it was 2023, and it was 1920, and it was 1940, and it was 1970, and it was 2018 all in once but it didn’t matter.

“I did.”.

“What was it?”

Bucky shook his head, reaching for the forks, handing one out to Sam. Their fingers brushed against each other, sparkles flew but they didn’t mention it. Never, never mention it, “I can’t say or it won’t come true, you must know that.”.

“What can I say, I’m curious!”.

They sat down to eat the cake, silence dancing around them and it was comfortable, in a way Bucky never thought could be possible with someone else. Everything about falling in love with Sam Wilson was like that - calm, peaceful, harmless, safe. And even if he never said anything, it was good and it was enough. To be like that in their home, sitting in the little cozy routine they created for themselves, it was enough to be happy, more than it. So he smiled, and he ate the cake Sam baked for his birthday.

Sam stared at him, raised eyebrows and all, “Tell me what you wished for, honey, I’m dying to know.”.

If he wasn’t a grown ass man, he would’ve been blushing. Sam had that effect on him, like a high school crush you can never escape from. And that made Bucky feel good, safe, found. 

“I wished…”, Bucky started, not even knowing why he was saying those things in the first place, “We could stay like this forever.”.

And it was silent once more, and Sam got up, stepping closer to where Bucky was seated, a playful, teasing smile on his lips as always, the one he directed to Buck only, their personal way of talking. Sam must have asked something, like he always did when touching Bucky, and the answer as a rushed agreement filled with love. When their lips touched, there was nothing to fall into place, because it was already there, waiting for this moment, in anticipation, longing for the soft embrace of one soul to another because in the end, they belonged there. In their place, in their happy moments, in their own quiet. 

It was peaceful and it was quiet. Falling in love with Sam Wilson. And it was the best thing in Bucky’s life. 

When they broke the kiss off, it just felt like taking a time out, never an end. Bucky looked inside his eyes and there were galaxies, just waiting for them to be together once more in their own universe. Sam smiled, and they kissed, again and again and again. And it was weirdly calm - just like finding where you belong, just like meeting the one person you know will be there with you ‘till the end of times. 

And they kissed and they laughed and they kissed and they stayed like that forevermore. 


End file.
